A few months ago over Easter as I was visiting some of my cousins back home, we began talking about a family member of ours who had killed himself and how it was unexpected and hurt us. But as my family usually does, we diffuse sad moments like that with whit and humor and my older cousin says, "If you ever find me dead then someone else did it, because I love myself to much to kill myself!" And as usual we all laughed. But you know what, it has me thinking how many of us really love ourselves?
How many of us love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves, respect ourselves and stay alive for ourselves and one another. Instinctively we all say that we do, but is that true? How many of you have been in dark moments and really thought about ending it all? I bet that's happened to more of you than anyone is willing to admit to themselves or anyone else. When you ask someone how they are doing do you really care and want to know or is it habitual and a formality? When you tell others that you are doing well is that also habitual and a formality?
You need to think about that the next time you look at someone. We never truly know what's going on in someone else's life or minds even when we think they tell us everything. I would have never expected that family member to kill himself. As a matter of fact, moments earlier he was laughing and smiling and told his sister that he would be back in a second, only to never return to her house or anyone else's.
Sometimes I wonder what was going through his head, I wonder if he knew that his family was there for him to help him with whatever he was dealing with. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he didn't go through with it. But most of all I think of him and I miss him. I'm sure this story is no different from any other for a lot of families out there. It really goes to show you the self love, although a short phrase can go along way.
It can make or break you and forever alter the lives of many. I love myself and I love you. All I can do is hope you love yourself enough to keep fighting, keep pushing, keep smiling, keep stumbling, keep failing, keep succeeding and to above all else keep spreading some some of love out there. Y'all be easy, and the next time you ask someone how they're doing, make sure you actually mean it.