If you could live your life all over again, would you change a thing? If you had the chance to really sit back and see a film strip of your life, which parts would you alter, omit, or magnify? Are these questions that you ask yourself from time to time or are you one of those people that loves your life as it is, has no regrets and sees every opportunity as a gift, a learning experience and doesn't feel the need to think about past moments, interactions or deeds? I can't tell you if I'm on one end of this spectrum or the other. I can't tell you whether that's good or bad or what it says about me as a person in general.
For everything about my life that I wish I could change, I can think of something that has happened as a result that I wouldn't want to give up. For every person that burned me, I can think of a lesson that I learned or how the emotional pain they caused me at the time, pales in comparison to the emotional trauma they could have caused had they remained in my life. I think to myself, had I chosen to go to a different college and majored in a different discipline could I be in a more lucrative career soon after graduating instead of going on a decade long odyssey before finding a career that I really enjoy. But if I had chosen to do so, would I have also met an amazing group of friends such as those that I have now, who have turned out to be life long brothers, closer to me in spirit and actions than some of my very own biological family.
If I had made one or two more different choices as far as employment opportunities years ago, would I be making six figures by now? But what would I do without the mentors I've met along the way who've imparted wisdom on me that have enriched my world ten times over? Had I called my cousin back the night he wanted to chat while I was studying for finals, would he have believed in me enough to call me to help keep himself awake as he fell asleep behind the wheel a week later? A byproduct of working extra hours for weeks so that he could provide for his twins that had yet to be born. He would die a week later as a result of his injuries and I still haven't forgiven myself for not calling him back. If I would have called him back, maybe he would have reached out and I could have talked him the rest of the way home.
Many times I wonder if my life is what it should have been, or has it yet to reach its potential because of a failure to make the right choices at the right time. Or did I? Am I exactly where I'm supposed to be at this very moment in life? Is there another version of me, in another dimension who has made the inverse of the very same choices and chances that I've had, asking the exact same questions? Maybe my life is meant to be no greater than it is at this very moment, and the privilage to fail worse, or triumph even greater has been reserved for different versions of myself in different dimensions.
But how would I know and what should I do? Am I destined to do more or destined to fail? Have I already won and just don't realize it or am I on the verge of an epic victory and just need to keep on pushing? Is there more to life than what I see, experience and feel everyday or have I experienced the best that my life has to offer given the circumstances? These are the questions that I have or are they not questions at all? Maybe they are just different lives that I'm living all at the same time.